That Tory party pricelist in full...

Not wanting to do another blogpost on politics, this is too good to pass up on. Since the revelation that donating £250,000 is enough to secure yourself a meal with the Prime Minister, there has been public outrage (of sorts). But what you haven't seen is the full price-list Cruddas kept in his pocket*. I can exclusively reveal it now:

ConservativesForYou - The ideal gift for anyone aspiring to influence government policy

• £250,000 - Dinner with the cabinet member of YOUR choice.
• £350,000 - You'll feel like you've been deported 'out of this world' with your very own tailored Theresa May 'Spacesuit', SIGNED by the woman herself

Look positively futuristic in this fetching 'item of clothing of tomorrow'

• £400,000 - Fancy a gift to really make a song and dance about? Treat a loved one to a private John Redwood concert (N.B. John will not sing any Welsh songs)
• £500,000 - Bored with the same old schools. Get your very own customisable Free School or Academy, yours to do what you want with.
• £550,000 - Want to stand out from the crowd? Let William Hague be your very own personal shopper

Is this stylish fellow Gok Wan? No, why it's our very own 'Fashion Secretary', William Hague!

• £600,000 - Looking for that romantic getaway with the chance to facilitate major arms deals? Private holiday for two with Liam Fox (N.B. If Adam Werrity asks, you know nothing)
• £700,000 - Why not take lunch that one step further, and have dinner cooked for you by the cabinet member of YOUR choice
• £800,000 - Dislike somewhere in the world? Why not declare war with a minor country of YOUR choice
• £900,000 - Treat someone you care about with the gift of good health, by choosing a hospital or major NHS clinic to own.
• £1 million - Fancy being the man with his finger on the nuclear button? Nick Clegg's master? The head honcho? Buy our Prime Minister experience, and for a day, you will legally be in charge of the country.

For only £1 million, you too can be just like David Cameron!

So don't delay; place your order now to guarantee delivery before 2015!

*I made it up, if you can't tell.