Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Del Toro takes the piss

There are many things the world needs. A fast and effective program to return the world to economic bliss; a solution to global food scarcity; an explanation for Keith Lemon. I wouldn't have, however, placed "another movie featuring giant CGI robots" towards the top of this list. Guillermo Del Toro, apparently, disagrees; and has deposited 'Pacific Rim' into the global consciousness, rather like a neighbour's dog deposits something unseemly on your lawn. Before judging a film purely on the basis of a trailer, you have to, firstly, watch the trailer; which is below for your enjoyment.

On first glance, it appears Del Toro is attempting to retell two of the best loved movies of the late 20th and early 21st centuries; Michael Bay's metallic toy-fest Transformers, and Godzilla, the only disaster movie that had me cheering on the downfall of man. However, on closer inspection, it looks as though this movie could be a level of mediocrity far greater than the sum of it's constituent parts.

The giant not-Godzilla CGI monsters are aliens who live under the sea (rather like Ursula, from the Little Mermaid) who's sole aim in life is to destroy the cities. Not just mankind, but cities. Smart sea-monsters. And the only way for them to be countered is by blowing them up, much to chagrin of the token bespectacled science guy (I assume Jeff Goldblum was busy). So, in order to blow up the evil beasts, mankind initiates 'Project Jaeger" (presumably with some Jaegerbombs). This, as it almost always inevitably does in Hollywood, manifests itself as two guys in a massive robot costume. They undergo a "mind meld" (a common side effect of Jaegerbombs, incidentally) in order to kick some alien aqua ass.

Then something unexpected happens: a plot twist. Mankind must go back, train to be even better massive metal brawlers (or "2,500 tons of awesome" as Jeff Goldblum Junior suggests) in order to win their survival. The advert implores us to 'Go Big' from July 12 ('Big' what is left ambiguous); before we're told that the apocalypse has been cancelled - which is nothing new as Harold Camping has been cancelling armageddon since May 2011.

But, surely this new film must be decent. I mean, Guillermo Del Toro wouldn't direct a B-movie wannabe with more clich├ęs than a Daily Express story on the EU. Unless he's taking the piss. Or he really wanted to make a big-screen adaptation of the video for Bloc Party's Flux.

Of course, the movie could be really good; and it's just the trailer that's crap.

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